Motherhood

A list I've been keeping of things that cross my mind about this amazing / stressful / hilarious job called MOM. Mostly I feel incredibly lucky, but there's room for a bit of the rest of this, as well.

Happy Mother's Day!

Motherhood is ...

- feeling some days that all you've accomplished is cutting 40 extra fingernails and toenails
- mastering the art of walking silently in and out of rooms
- discerning the tired cry from the hungry cry from the leavemealone cry
- waiting to put on your shirt until you are almost out the door
- feeling a sense of accomplishment based on the amount of snot sucked out of a kid's nose
- ordering a joint Valentine's Day present with your husband: a nonstick skillet so you can make eggs for dinner again
- thinking that you wish your child was in the car whenever you see an emergency vehicle
-feeling a burst of pride when your (sick) older child tells your younger child "I Love You" for the first time, followed by repulsion when she full-on kisses the baby on the mouth
- feeling guilty about sneaking an iced sugar cookie from your work cafeteria and then finding a rogue sprinkle in your nursing tank
- considering pumping at work to be exercise
- discerning the "whine cry" from the "panic cry" and willingly returning to the classroom for the latter to search for the small purple plastic ninja
- not being all that surprised about having a conversation with your 4-year-old that begins, "It's not good manners to sing a song about your vagina ..."
- taking it in stride when your child gets out of bed (for the umpteenth time) with a complaint of "MOOOOOOMMM! My skin feels wet, but it's not", followed shortly by, "MOOOOOMMMM!! I don't like the way my neck feels". 
- feeling like a pack mule ("ass" would also be accurate) when you schlep a baby in a bucket, a 4-year-old, and five bags into the house at the end of the work week.
- gritting your teeth while smiling, kissing and thanking your child for telling you she made a mistake by spilling crayons on the white couch, rather than hiding it.
- attempting to pull yourself together and put make-up on, only to spend 15 minutes trying to remove the not-waterproof-but-might-as-well-be new eyeliner. NEVER AGAIN.
- patting yourself on the back for having a spare, new mascara in the medicine cabinet, only to have to throw it away 5 days later because it's contaminated from pinkeye
- coming home from a girls weekend with children's cowboy boots and a breast pump in your carry on bag
- realizing that your after-school-pick-up list involves stain stick Every. Day.